i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
high people should be assigned attendants
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
