At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
