Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
God, I missed his penis.
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