I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
