Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
