I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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