even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
