Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
