I like my sex mixed with concussions.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
