Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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