Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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