I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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