and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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