it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
