We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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