marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize