don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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