I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
