We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Alive.
So much puke
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize