I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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