You can't special order awesome
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
