at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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