I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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