Cold hands, warm shart.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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