How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Can I color on your dick again?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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