im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Randomize
