why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
