we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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