all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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