Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
