This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
wanna go halves on a baby?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
