I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
