Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
