i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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