i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
