white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize