remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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