I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
its liver damage thursday
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