five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
