I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
