mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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