There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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