If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
