so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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