i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
they need to just BURY HIM!
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
