and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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