I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
