I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
My hand turned me down
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
