Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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