There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
