Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize