remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
