Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
did you just send me my own nude
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
