I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
