I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
