at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
please come you make the beer taste better
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
