Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
