apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
