You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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