It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize