My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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