but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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