I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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